Divine Romace, I'm completely satisfied.

His arms are where I belong. I belong to Jesus.
<3

I'm sitting here, in the glory with Papa's arms wrapped around me. Feeling completely spoiled. But what can I say? I'm a daughter of the King of Kings, I'm His little Princess. I don't have to prove myself, I'm Daddy's little girl. That's just all there is to it.

"Oh How He Loves"

As I was sitting here on my couch just thinking, praying, & worshiping, I flashed back to this moment when I remember completely being swept away by the Father's heart for me. I remember how it felt, the aching in my chest as I cried out for Him & His unfailing love. I remember that I was literally on my face, bawling my eyes out. I knew that I was no where worthy of His love, His presence; Him. But still, He looked at me & He put his hand on my shoulder, telling me that He loved me, more than my own comprehension of what love really was. I stayed there, crying, feeling completely engulfed in him. I remember that moment better than any other I'm sure. All because that was an encounter that changed my life. At the time I was broken, I was confused, & all because I was a fighter, fighting for something I didn't realize Dad was holding as I was pulling it away. Yes, I was playing tugawar with God. I thought I knew what was good for me, what I wanted, what I was doing--I was wrong, completely. & in that moment, that encounter, I finally let go & just as I let go of the rope, I felt myself fall on my butt. Feeling completely idiotic for holding onto something that now looks so unappealing, frivolous, stupid, & just wrong. As I sat there, Dad just kept telling me there was so much more. He kept saying that I was worth more, that He had more. & ever since, I've been going after it.

And I don't plan on ever forgetting this divine romance that He gave me so long ago. My heart is set on going deeper.

May

I'll Be Home For Christmas.

That sentence just makes me sigh.
For a few reasons. I'm excited, I get to see my sisters, my grandma, Heather Brynn, Katie, Azriel, baby Chloe, fiancee-Philip, Hun-Baby Loida, Siah, Geri, Mama Parker, and my mom and dad. My heart feels like it's already there, and yet, I feel so far away from my little hometown--Vallejo, Ca. Oh dear. This past week has been my two week process and preparation to get ready to go home and persevere to the promise that my family will fall in love with the Lord. That my parents will understand what the heck I'm doing all the way over here in Redding, Ca. My heart is one hundred and twenty percent for what Papa God wants to do on this trip, but I know that I have to be ready for anything. I know that I have to be on point; of course be myself and let love win that way. But also just remain connected to His heart and know at all times what is going on. I'm so ready to be home with Philip by my side. I love him so much, and I've definitely missed him. It was funny last night we talked about how I felt Holy Spirit give me visions and strategic things to do when I get home and just be able to love, bless, and pour out on every one there.
Yesterday Philip and I started our negativity fast. We don't even know how long we're supposed to do this, but we are until Dad says we're done. I think it's good, because we both want to remain in the state of thankfulness, because Dad has blessed us both so much and we're in such a new season and we just wanna stay obedient, thankful, and in a place of peace, love, and joy. :) so here we go. Not only that, but we're gonna start soaking together! Way excited!
Overflow, overflow, overflow. Everything that is poured out of us should first come from being saturated in Father's heart before attempting to give to others. We have to receive from the Father. It cannot just be a small portion that only sustains us, otherwise we will only exhaust ourselves spiritually, physically, and emotionally. When we pour out the fire, passion, love, peace, joy, righteousness of Dad we have to make sure that it's all out the overflow. Philip and I have both been learning this. The crazy thing is that lately we've been really on point together and apart. Holy Spirit is just so good. It's true the more that you spend with the Father, the more you look, act, and sound like Him. We're seeing the fruit of our time in the secret place with Dad, and we're so thankful and excited about what He's doing.
I'm just in such a place of pure thankfulness and joyfulness. I feel the Holy Spirit doing such a work in me, as well as Philip. Thank you Papa for all that you have for he and I. You are so good. I am such a thankful daughter.

"Everything good comes from you, Father of lights"

May<3 <3

Time goes by,

things happen, things change. For better, for worse. It happens and there's no stoppin' it.

I'm thankful.

Three months ago I on my way to growing up in a way I didn't realize was happening even as it was happening. It didn't hit me, and most days it still doesn't. The truth is...I moved out. I live on my own, without my family back home. I did this by myself. That blows me away.

I'm sitting here at my desk in my bedroom. So glad, so thankful, so blessed knowing where I am is where I belong; it's where Dad has called me to be. For such a time as this. Three months ago I remember waking up early in the morning to get my car all packed up and ready for my journey--my adventure away from home; all on my own. I remember my fiance calling to ask what my sisters, mom, and I wanted from Starbucks that morning; like it was completely normal. Shortly after I told him, he hung up, and said he'd be over shortly. I remember sitting in what used to be my bedroom and he telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me. I look back and just stand amazed. I've been so blessed, the Lord has had so much favor on my life, in every situation. Truly, my heart is thankful.

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to wake up, get dressed, finish packing my things with my sister and best friends Alexander and Samantha Andrea and we will wait for my boy and momma to show up. Then we'll hang out, eat some breakfast, and be on our way.
<3 I stand truly amazed, blessed, and thankful.

Thank you Jesus.

May

"Praise the Lord all my soul, & let all that's within in me, Praise His name."

Oh, Jesus, you're beautiful!

Oh divine, spirit lead, appointments. So blessed, honored, and incredibly--undeniably thankful! Daddy has given me so much favor and blessed me, my life, and my relationships with amazing-anointed world changers. Church was so good, it was a lot of the same thing that Beni spoke on this past week at school. So amazing and just such great revelation. I had a really weird painful headache all this morning and it was crazy when I saw Angela in service I felt a peace and the headache lift off of me and I was healed. But I then just felt her on my heart to pray for her, so I did. Come to find out that she's been having a problem with horrible migraines and it's because of her family line. She went and waited to ask Papa Bill to pray for her. And as we waited for her, Sam and I were just in receiving mode standing in close distance and presence of Beni. So finally I got up the courage just to ask for her to pray for Sammy and I. We were just so blessed and honored by her and we just told her and she was so loving. Amazing! So glorious she released everything she spoke on and Bill as well and she just blessed us and it was so amazing! Then Angels got prayed over by Bill and Beni and they just broke off all the migraines. Then I told her how I had gotten the word of knowledge about the migraines and she asked me to pray for her and release my healing so that was dope too. Then we all got in the car and were gonna go home but then we ended up going out for lunch to Indian food. Which btw, today I found out I actually quite enjoy it. But anyways. On the way there we just worshiped together and talked. Somehow we got on the subject of future husbands and relationships or whatever. So it came out about Philip and I. Thanks to Sam & Lori. haha But yea, so they all asked to hear the divine testimony of our relationship. Good times. I ended up giving it and afterwards the girls just like asked questions and it was cool, Bethany (Claire's friend visiting from Scotland) asked for like my advice and just encouragement on how you know when God tells you about your future spouse and all of these details. It was really amazing and just new revelation for me because it opened my eyes to the fact that I really am doing it right. It wasn't only encouraging for the girls but it was really humbling, honoring, and encouraging for me personally to share my heart and everything. It was truly just a blessed morning and afternoon. So thankful.
Thank you Jesus.
May<3

I have my moments..I feel.

Trust me, I'm not perfect. I mess up, I hurt, I get tired, I feel alone, I feel sensitive, I feel not good enough. I'm a human woman. What can I do?
I'm not a robot, I'm not superhuman. I feel.
All day, I've just taken time to rest. Write, draw, watch movies, spend time with Sam.
But moments like this definitely don't help anything. I can't keep it together all the time. It just doesn't happen. It doesn't work like that.
I'm not really sure what to even say right now. I just feel ehh. I'm not overwhelmed, it's just that sometimes I need someone & lately I haven't had that. I don't always feel loved by the people around me. I love everyone around me, but just sometimes..I need that spontaneous love.. I could use a hug right now. From either my best friends or my parents or my sisters or brothers. I just can't do this on my own.

"My heart is singing this one thing."

I'm so filled up right now. Like I hardly can sit still to type this.
I just have to though. haha So much glory. I'm so thankful. Like I'm thankful to pieces, to tears I'm so thankful. I'm loved. I'm worth it. I was worth dying for. My best friend: Jesus:) He died for me, when he asked Papa if there was any other way he remembered me. Because I'm his favorite. He loves me. There's so much more than that though. I have the most amazing support here. My sisters, my brothers, my fiance. They all believe in me and that right there is what I live for. That's what keeps me going. The fact that I can share my heart with them and they can speak life, prophesy, and just show that they care and love me; for who Papa created me to be. I can be myself. I can share what's on my heart, what's hurting me, what I'm praying for, I can go to them for and with anything and everything. That right there is what my life is about. Thank you Daddy, for all of them.
From Danni & Morgan, to Philip Stuart, to Samantha Andrea, Alexander, Walter Abraham, Heather Brynn, Steph, Erin, Krys, Tina, Lori, and Alex. They all just support and believe in me and I know that they are here for me, and that's all I can ever ask for. That means more to me than an physical present. I just love them, and they love me.

Blessed a bunch
May<3

Mother/ Daughter phone calls

I love her. I love her more than I can even! I just can't take it, it breaks my heart talking to her. She's so negative & everything she talks to me about is just what she knows; my fiance, my money, me visiting & supposedly not wanting to spend time with her, & gossip about our family or whatever. It makes me crazy! I do everything I can to keep cool. It is just soo incredibly hard because I wanna yell because she attacks me with everything & then she plays the victim in every situation. I just want her to feel what it is to be loved & feel joy & peace in her life. She doesn't know that their is life better than hers. It kills me. I feel like a big baby, but I can't help it. This is my mom, I don't even care that I cry every time I get off of the phone with her or that I cry myself to sleep some nights praying my heart out for her. I refuse to sit here & let the enemy have a hold on my mom & my family. It's not okay. I have a life to live abundantly & that include my FAMILY that means my inheritance. That means the people that I'm connected to can be under my umbrella, they can have my anointing, they can have my fire, my peace, my joy, my love. Because that's mine. & I took back what the enemy stole from me not only for myself but for the people who don't know how to take it back for themselves. But they can only ride on my passion, & my fire for so long before it runs out for them. I'm doing everything I can to love her, love her like crazy; intentionally. Because she is important, she is beautiful, she is worth it--so worth it that He died, she's amazing, & funny, & lovely, & loving & caring. My mom is so much more than she settles for. She lets people's words & actions dictate her emotions like it's nobody's business. I'm saying STOP. NOW. This is my mother, the one person who loved me before anyone else, this is the person who has always been there no matter what. I don't even have other words. Danny Silk put it perfectly the other day when he spoke.
"Don't show them your anger & frustration, show them your broken heart."
No one understands how I feel specifically, even trying to sympathize with me isn't enough for me. I just need extra prayer & strength. I'm persevering to the promise Papa gave me. I believe in my mom.
This is my family, & I will not see it fall apart.
From the brokenness of a loving daughter.

May<3

I'm living intentionally.

Who and where would I be if I wasn't living intentionally? What I be doing and how would I be feeling if I didn't step up, and step out of my comfort zone to go outside of myself to make a difference, build relationships, strengthen relationships, and make connections.
Tonight wasn't just a early Thanksgiving dinner with my Bethel family here. It was so so much more than that. It is easy to see and say that the Lord was definitely present tonight at our little family dinner party, but it was more than that. We didn't only eat dinner, we spent quality time together. We got to cook together, laugh, talk, eat, watch a movie, and just reach out to each other. Tonight I grew myself more than ever, not me exactly but I felt the Holy Spirit so evident in my countenance tonight. I am not the same person I used to be. I stepped out. I decided that I want to love people and show and share my heart as much as I can. Not saying that I'm gonna be BEST FRIENDS with every person I meet, but I know who I am and that I'm here with these people in my life and path for such a time as this. I'm gonna take advantage of that. I'm gonna be intentional and steward this gift and be thankful and absolutely grateful for this time, place, these people, and these opportunities. Every day is never promised, every breath is a special gift given from Papa, a chance, a new day, nothing is a coincedence, and Papa places specific people in your life for a specific reason--which means on purpose, intentionally. If I didn't step out I wouldn't be able to do my job. Every person has something that someone else needs. We aren't taking on burdens, we're taking on our burdens, we are a family and body of Christ. We are never alone, we are always there for each other, in every way. No worry. Because you should never be afraid to be who you are. For this specific time or season.
It's time to break out of yourself, because your own breakthroughs are others' breakthroughs as well.

May <3

"I just close my eyes and pray"

I love you kid. Seriously. I don't even think you realize that you are so loved. Not even by your family around you, but Papa God. The one that loves you more than anything. You talk about feeling useless and the people you care about walking out on you or just not being there when you feel you need them the most. Look to the one who desperately loves you, everything about you; the real you.
It breaks my heart. To see people who have more potential than they seriously realize. To see people being destructive with their precious, important, predestined, world changing, ridiculously impacting lives. It's like their wasting something so beautiful, something beloved.
Dad just says; "look up, come up higher. Let me take you away. Let me show you what life is really about. Let me teach you what an abundant and real life looks like". Not just the glass "looking" half full, but overflowing with more than you can even keep for yourself, but leaking over all of the people around you.
Please, just open your eyes. Or close them and talk to Dad. Go back into His arms, find your way back home, where you belong.
You are loved, you are special, you are amazing, you are incredible, you're not a sinner, you're a saint, you're more than you are settling for, stop chasing what isn't for you. There's a reason this world doesn't fit you and isn't good enough for you. You're heaven sent.

Your sister,
May<3

It's all an excuse because we love eachother.

We fight, we argue, we love, we joke.
It's not perfect, but that doesn't even matter.
All that matters is that I'm in love with him deeply, & I know that we're perfect for eachother, together, forever, always.

That's what matters.

The Sting.

Frustrated..
I don't like arguing. That's a given, cause I'm quite sure no one enjoys it, even if you're out of your mind.
Today was a good day. Not saying that this little thing has ruined my day, but still. It certainly put a damper on it.
I had my day all planned out, & I'm pretty darn excited about it. But then on text messaged that. I hate upsetting my fiance. It hurts me. It makes me feel like it's my fault, even if I didn't do anything. I love him, & he shouldn't be upset. I don't even know what to do. It doesn't help that the reason he's upset is because of one of my best friends. That's unfair right there. It's not like he's telling me not to have friends or hang out with them, he just told me he feels off when I'm around him. Not like I was alone with him or anything, there was a group of us, & there naturally always is a group of us together, because of boundaries. & the fact that we're just a family of friends & that's it. But for my fiance to tell me that he was upset because of this hurt me. Not only because it hurt him, but because he didn't even explain to me what it was, not to mention when I go home for thanksgiving my best friends are going home with me. What then? What happens when my fiances meets him & has to hang around him for a week? I've asked before if it made him uncomfortable, I've asked if it was okay that he came to celebrate thanksgiving with us. I asked if he didn't like it or not. He said that it was fine. I'm not letting this affect my entire day, I refuse for that to happen, but still. The last thing he text me was:
"Spend time with the Lord, speak in tongues and get a really good cup of coffee."

So here I am, taking it out on my blog, drinking coffee, with my worship playing, & my journal & Bible in arms reach. Quiet time here I come.

Proverbs 15:18 "A hot tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel."
Proverbs 17:14 "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out."
Proverbs 17:19 "Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction.
Proverbs 18:1 "An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels."
Proverbs 20:3 "It is to on'es honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel."

That wonderful, beautiful moment.

I live this life the best that I can. Dead to myself. Why? Because I am alive to Christ.
My life is a mess of amazing adventure, & I highly enjoy it. I'm incredibly thankful. I adore my life, I'm so grateful, because my Papa God is so faithful, through it all, in every part of my life.
There aren't enough words in all the human languages to describe.
What blows my mind is that Papa loves me. He has a place for me, in His heart. & He wants me there. He keeps me close to His heart, as the apple of His eye. He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. He is pleased with me, & proud of me. He lavishes His delight on me. He fills me up & uses me as a vessel to pour out. My heart, my soul, my mind, my love, my presence should leak that.
There are several people that have been specifically hand picked to walk this crazy life with me; along side me. Pushing me, encouraging me, loving me, & sharing this life with me--these experiences.
For me, I'm not very big on public displays of affection. That's just not me. But I just felt on my heart that I had to write & so here it is. My fiance knows for a fact that I never do this, if he read this, it would be a big shock to him. First of all, I myself hardly even show my emotions or explain how I feel much. Not that I bottle anything up, but it is difficult for me, years of practice being careful & not trusting is the excuse. Of course, I have gotten much better at opening up, but still it's not the easiest for me, & even now I am cautious of who I tell & share certain parts of my heart with.
Now, with all of this said. I am just so thankful. For life, for love, for peace, for joy, for grace. & there is one person on this earth that I know I am thankful for at such an in depth level that I had to take time to point it out; in a blog. His name is: Philip Stuart. He's the most amazing man. He is my other half. Tonight we talked before bed; which we always do, & I just listened. The entire phone call, I hardly spoke. Not because I was sad, upset, or sleepy, or anything. I just sat there on the couch & listened to everything that he had to say. The craziest thing to me was that while he spoke I just patiently sat & as I did quietly, I felt Jesus surround me in his arms. His arms around me, holding me, & my head rested on his chest. The lyrics: "I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands, lay back against you and breathe, it's overwhelming" played over & over as I listened to this wonderful man whom I love spoke about his heart & what his day consisted of. This week we had encounters & amazing speakers at school whom really spoke things that totes resonated in my heart & for my life. One amazingly anointed woman said this: "God is God the Father, Jesus is the form of your spouse, & the Holy Spirit is the female version of God." & with that, I remember the first thing that I felt inside of me was this: "You love like a Father, you love like a brother, you love like a lion, fierce like no other.  You violently chase me, down to embrace me, engulf me in who you are."
Relationship man, it is all about relationship. I don't have other words. This was just something a little random that was on my heart & had to express & share.

Just that wonderful, beautiful, thankful, loving moment.
May<3<3

I'm back.

All right, so what's up fellow bloggers? It has been quite some time since I have written on this blog. I have definitely missed it. I am really excited to start writing again. So here goes nothing.


School is amazing. God is doing great things. I have grown a tremendous amount. I have been blessed to meet and begin to build great relationships with such wonderful, anointed men and women of God. I have never been so pushed, stretched, excited, nervous (in a good way), joyful, happy, encouraged, inspired, thankful, and blessed in all of my life. Every second I am more thankful. It only makes sense though, to give as much thanks and praise as I can. Why? Well the easy answer is: Jesus. To elaborate though, is all because it is truly written in my DNA to give thanks and praise and pour out my love, heart, and adoration on the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Crazy concept to grasp though, the fact that, the big guy upstairs..he cares for me. He loves me, and by the way, He loves me. I am His favorite, and He calls me His beloved. What else could I ask or live for? He is so faithful & I am incredibly grateful, with all of my being. No matter what though, I know that the enemy has nothing on me. He can sit there and try to put lies inside my head and whisper discouragements but I have the victory already so there is no reason to grow weary. 


Psalm 50:9-11 "I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine." 


Isaiah 40:28-31
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint."


Jacquelyn Desiree<3<3

“Let it rain”

Right now things are in fact hard. However, I’m not gonna sit here & “vent” about how it is. I’m just pointing out fact. I won’t explain the entire story because it’s not entirely necessary. But the Lord is currently teaching me to let go. Of course that sounds easy but it’s not right now. In the current position I’m in, it’s a lot different than other situations I have delt with before. For me surrendering & letting go was always something I did not fear, nor should I, on account of Daddy loves me & has plans for me, and he’s taking care of everything. But right now, it’s intense. Serious crunch time, like I’m on the edge of my seat, like; “okay Dad, you can step in any time now.” I know that this whole thing is His glory but it’s like such a hard spot. I’m in this position of being STRETCHED. Like He’s really testing me here, in my faith & how much I trust in Him & His power. So many times when the Lord does not answer us the enemy thinks it’s totally okay & perfect timing for him to come in & bring anxiousness & fear. I refuse to let him think that he’s winning this. Because he’s not. My God is bigger, and stronger. My Dad is the provider, & I’m completely just trusting Him & His plan.

“God, I look to you. I won’t be overwhelmed, give me vision to see things like you do.”

“Cast all your anxiety on Him, for He cares for you.” 

Daddy, it’s all in your hands. I’m yours.

Jacquelyn Desiree<3<3 

No more.

For so long I let the opinions of others become so meaningful that it set and I let it shape my identity and who I thought I was and how I saw myself. When I should have been relying on my Father's eyes and how he sees me. Who he sees me as. His daughter, his treasure, his beloved. You were born with a purpose. You are beautiful, you are treasured and the only opinion that does and should matter is the Lord's. Because no one but he knows who you really are and all the potential you truly have. Your life is not your own, it belongs to no one else. Believe and walk in who the Lord created and appointed you to be. He is your beloved and you are his. Be encouraged, rely on him and trust in him. You are loved, remember that.

Change.

We prepare the way
Lord show us your glory. Let your presencee be known. Not only fill us and our hearts God but overflow in us with your joy, peace patience, love and grace. God that your name be lifted high for you conquered it all for us. Release yourself upon us. Make yourself known to a generation. Not only this generation rising up but that you release yourself in the older genereations and you would bridge the gap L:ord. Lord make it evident in our lives of who you are. That when people encounter us they encounter you and your presence. The power of your great love. For you deserve all the glory and praise, you alone are worth it all.
"The Lord is exalted over all the nations his glory alone the heavens." -Psalm 113:4
"From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised." -Psalm 113:3


God we are petitioning heaven for a release to see your signs, wonders and miracles. We want to see you move in a generation. To make known who you are. To make known to this generation who they are in you, in Christ. Let us be known as a generation who seeks your face. So deeply in love and captivated by the Creator. The lover of my soul, the one who romances my heart. you say in your word: "I love those who love me and those who seek me find me." -Proverbs 8:35
Lord open the floodgates of heaven, let it rain. Let your kingdom come and your will be done.