Of people using me. I am constantly trying to be there. I am constantly pouring out and loving and caring. And it’s constantly disregarded. I really don’t have time for it.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Well then.
See what happened was. Last night I came home from school and was kinda stressing since I had a major exam paper. You’d think that since I got it over with I’d be all happy go lucky and like calm. However, this was not the case. I was freaking out more than I was before I did the exam. So, I came home and one of my best friends, Sam called me. He came by to see if I was okay and stayed for maybe like half an hour. We just kinda talked…well he talked to my dad. About frickin guns. While I spastically cleaned the living room and kitchen. Sam actually helped me clean the living room.haha Then I wanted ice cream. So I ate my moms ice cream in the freezer and I put in the movie Armageddon and Sam left. After the movie was over I decided I’d go to bed, mind you it was about one am? So I went to my room but I wasn’t even tired. I turned off the lights and guess what happened?The same thing that ALWAYSSS happens to me when I wanna sleep but can’t. ha Jesus was like, get up. I was like “are you serious right now?” So I knew better than to fight him on this. Got up, blasted me some beautiful Jesus Culture, grabbed my bible, my journal, and shut up and listened. The Lord was really just revealing stufff to me. Things in me I didn’t even think about. It was quite lovely.ha So to sum it all up that’s what happened:)
I’m now in a good mood. Today’s a good day. I’m excited <3
I’m now in a good mood. Today’s a good day. I’m excited <3
Lord, I am yours.
"For he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones."
-Proverbs 2:8
Holy holy is the Lord Almighty!
I am yours! I shout it from the rooftops! I am yours! The Everlasting God! The one, the son. The everlasting God. I shout out from the rooftops, I proclaim, I am yours.
Lord I give you my heart. I place all of my life in your hands.
My future
My friends
My school
My heart
My pride
My happiness
My love
My life
My past
My fear
My family
Church
My desires
My voice
Everything it is all yours.
Lord it is all yours. I am nothing without you! I need you. I am nothing. I love you. You truly are the lover of my soul. You have plans to prosper me. You love me, unconditionally. You give me everything. I am eternally thankful. I need you. God take away everything that is holding me back in any way. I give it all to you! Let your heart, your desires, let it all become mine.
I give you my heart, my body, my soul. I open up and surrender all to you.
Without you, I am purely nothing at all. Nothing else matters. All else fades away. Lord be the one who remains!
"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with h is love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
-Zephaniah 3:17
Lead me. Show me where you want me to go. Take me. Guide, direct me where you need me.
-Proverbs 2:8
Holy holy is the Lord Almighty!
I am yours! I shout it from the rooftops! I am yours! The Everlasting God! The one, the son. The everlasting God. I shout out from the rooftops, I proclaim, I am yours.
Lord I give you my heart. I place all of my life in your hands.
My future
My friends
My school
My heart
My pride
My happiness
My love
My life
My past
My fear
My family
Church
My desires
My voice
Everything it is all yours.
Lord it is all yours. I am nothing without you! I need you. I am nothing. I love you. You truly are the lover of my soul. You have plans to prosper me. You love me, unconditionally. You give me everything. I am eternally thankful. I need you. God take away everything that is holding me back in any way. I give it all to you! Let your heart, your desires, let it all become mine.
I give you my heart, my body, my soul. I open up and surrender all to you.
Without you, I am purely nothing at all. Nothing else matters. All else fades away. Lord be the one who remains!
"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with h is love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
-Zephaniah 3:17
Lead me. Show me where you want me to go. Take me. Guide, direct me where you need me.
Beautiful
"I want to be beautiful.
And make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart
And be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
I just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful"
-Bethany Dillion
And make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart
And be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
I just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful"
-Bethany Dillion
You are not the first to go through the things you are going through. To face what you are facing. The Lord has written in his word his heart, and his words for you. He is there for you. He knows your heart, He is here to comfort you. You are his beloved and he is yours.
You go through what you do for his Kingdom, to be there for his children.
Mark 14:38, Matthew 22:37, Luke 8:50
You go through what you do for his Kingdom, to be there for his children.
Mark 14:38, Matthew 22:37, Luke 8:50
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
You alone.
Lord I wanna be distracted by you.
I wanna be swept away by you.
By your beauty. By your love.
Take my heart captive. My mind, my eyes, my ears, everything.
Let me see you. Let me feel you. Let me hear you.
I just want you.
You are more beautiful than anything I can fathom.
Lord you are the one who holds my heart.
I will run to you. Run to you with open arms.
For your arms are there when I fall; when I fail you forget and forgive.
You are the one that romances me. Who takes me away.
You dance with me. For you are the lover of my soul.
You have begun a new thing in my heart, in my soul.
My soul cries out to you.
My soul cries out for more of you.
Your unfailing love.
Your heart which has no depths.
When I am burdened you give me your yoke; your yoke which is light.
You take over all that I am.
I exist for you. Nothing else matters.
Lord I am your beloved and you are mine.
You are my desire. Whatever I desire I will become.
With that known, I desire you.
I desire your heart. Your love. Your desires. Your joy. Your peace.
These which no one else possesses.
There is none like you.
You alone are Lord.
For you are the one. The only. The living God.
The lover of my heart.
You fill a place and void nothing else or no one else can fill.
You placed the stars in the sky.
You named me after your favorite star.
You are my father, my creator, the maker of all.
You have chosen me. You called me out by name.
You have blessed me.
You pour into me. Pour into me so I may pour you out on all those I encounter.
Those that encounter me, encounter you and your glory.
You fill me. You hold me. You hold the universe. You sustain me.
I love you alone.
You love me like no other, you comfort me, you teach me, you stretch me, you speak to me when I call to you, you answer me, you will never forsake me.
All that I am is for you. For your kingdom.
From the inside out, to the ends of the earth and beyond.
You adore me. You admire me. For I am yours.
I am your treasure, your daughter, your princess, your beauty, your joy. Your love.
You made me from you. You spoke me into existence. In your image. For your glory. For your delight.
To be your example. To be a standard. To do more than those before me. A double portion.
To speak life. To speak strength. To speak love. To speak encouragement.
I will arise. I will step up. I will step out. I will strive. I will leave all else behind. I will let go. I will push one. I will push through. I will give you all of me. I will do your will.
I speak to the dead bones, they will by your word arise. I will speak to the storm and by your word it will be calm. I will walk on water and stay focused on you and by your word I will not sink. I will step out and part the sea for by your word.
This is a new thing that you are doing.
This is the generation that you have not only called but chosen.
This generation of your warriors which will walk. They will stand, will rise, will give their lives. For the sake of your name being lifted high.
Lifted high above all.
For you are the king of kings.
You are the lord of lords.
Your love is high, your love is deep, your love knows no bounds.
It is time. A new time. Another time. Like never seen, never heard before.
You will rule. You will consume hearts, you will be the one.
Pour out, show your glory. Pour out on this hungry,, this thirsty generation. This generation; craving the things of you and all that you have.
The light that you hold. That you hold which will spread over all.
That will cover all darkness.
Cover all the pain, the suffering, the lost, the hurt, the sick, and the broken.
They are yours.
For your strength, your joy, your love, your peace will consume. It will overcome. All else will fall away. You will remain, you will stay the same. Nonetheless, you will conquer.
For you have won.
For we have won.
I wanna be swept away by you.
By your beauty. By your love.
Take my heart captive. My mind, my eyes, my ears, everything.
Let me see you. Let me feel you. Let me hear you.
I just want you.
You are more beautiful than anything I can fathom.
Lord you are the one who holds my heart.
I will run to you. Run to you with open arms.
For your arms are there when I fall; when I fail you forget and forgive.
You are the one that romances me. Who takes me away.
You dance with me. For you are the lover of my soul.
You have begun a new thing in my heart, in my soul.
My soul cries out to you.
My soul cries out for more of you.
Your unfailing love.
Your heart which has no depths.
When I am burdened you give me your yoke; your yoke which is light.
You take over all that I am.
I exist for you. Nothing else matters.
Lord I am your beloved and you are mine.
You are my desire. Whatever I desire I will become.
With that known, I desire you.
I desire your heart. Your love. Your desires. Your joy. Your peace.
These which no one else possesses.
There is none like you.
You alone are Lord.
For you are the one. The only. The living God.
The lover of my heart.
You fill a place and void nothing else or no one else can fill.
You placed the stars in the sky.
You named me after your favorite star.
You are my father, my creator, the maker of all.
You have chosen me. You called me out by name.
You have blessed me.
You pour into me. Pour into me so I may pour you out on all those I encounter.
Those that encounter me, encounter you and your glory.
You fill me. You hold me. You hold the universe. You sustain me.
I love you alone.
You love me like no other, you comfort me, you teach me, you stretch me, you speak to me when I call to you, you answer me, you will never forsake me.
All that I am is for you. For your kingdom.
From the inside out, to the ends of the earth and beyond.
You adore me. You admire me. For I am yours.
I am your treasure, your daughter, your princess, your beauty, your joy. Your love.
You made me from you. You spoke me into existence. In your image. For your glory. For your delight.
To be your example. To be a standard. To do more than those before me. A double portion.
To speak life. To speak strength. To speak love. To speak encouragement.
I will arise. I will step up. I will step out. I will strive. I will leave all else behind. I will let go. I will push one. I will push through. I will give you all of me. I will do your will.
I speak to the dead bones, they will by your word arise. I will speak to the storm and by your word it will be calm. I will walk on water and stay focused on you and by your word I will not sink. I will step out and part the sea for by your word.
This is a new thing that you are doing.
This is the generation that you have not only called but chosen.
This generation of your warriors which will walk. They will stand, will rise, will give their lives. For the sake of your name being lifted high.
Lifted high above all.
For you are the king of kings.
You are the lord of lords.
Your love is high, your love is deep, your love knows no bounds.
It is time. A new time. Another time. Like never seen, never heard before.
You will rule. You will consume hearts, you will be the one.
Pour out, show your glory. Pour out on this hungry,, this thirsty generation. This generation; craving the things of you and all that you have.
The light that you hold. That you hold which will spread over all.
That will cover all darkness.
Cover all the pain, the suffering, the lost, the hurt, the sick, and the broken.
They are yours.
For your strength, your joy, your love, your peace will consume. It will overcome. All else will fall away. You will remain, you will stay the same. Nonetheless, you will conquer.
For you have won.
For we have won.
Monday, November 22, 2010
It’s time.
Welcome to the realization.
It’s been a long year.The long six months have gone by.It’s over. They’re gone.
Time to get over it.
Time to wake up. Time to get out of bed and embrace the world.
This stubborn world full of hurt.
Time to realize you’re not alone. Somewhere-close and far.
Someone is right with you. In the same exact boat as you.
You’ve come this far. You're alive and well. Life isn’t going to kill you.
It’s time to put away all the fake smiles. The hard ignorance you clutched onto so tightly.
Let it all go.
Stop fighting thoughts, and emotions.
Stop wishing on stars for a second try at something you already know will have the same outcome.
Stop reminiscing.
Stop locking yourself in your room.
Stop turning the other way from those who are there trying to love on you.
They want to see you alive. They want to see the real smile.
The beautiful person you’ve buried beneath all the hurt. All the pity you’ve been wallowing in.
Yea life hurts. Life happens. But it all works out.
You don’t have to face it alone.
It’s time to smile. Time to feel again.
Time to reach for the stars. Time to feel again.
Let joy & peace consume you. Let it wash away all the pain & suffering.
Without suffering there can be no joy. There can be no compassion. There can be no strength.
It’s time to get back up.
Time to look the enemy in the eyes and say you’ve not won.
You can’t have me. I’m getting up. I’m breaking free. I’m letting go. You’re done being broken. Done being stepped on.
It’s time to face the world and change it all.
Look up & let the sun shine. Bring color back int your gray and colorless life.
It’s time to shine in the darkness.
Soak up the sun & the beautiful song the birds sing.
Time to catch fire and light every moving thing around you.
It’s about that time.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Hurt.
It is like your heart being ripped into a thousand tiny pieces.
You have pain. Pain and past hurts.
From so many different things.
Everything. Life in itself causes pain and hurt.
There is hurt and there is pain.
Hand in hand they affect each heart and soul that has and will ever exist.
No matter how old you get, no matter where you are or where you go.
There is pain.
The pain that can take hold some days more than others.
Pain that you can sometimes escape and almost forget completely.
It however. Still exists.
The one thing people do not realize. The one thing people do not consider is this.
There is hope. There is joy.
Joy which transforms itself from suffering.
Hope that turns into love.
The greatest of all these. The most important. The most crucial.
The healing of all hurt.
It is love alone.
Love can conquer.
Without love there is no life.
Life without love is not life at all. It is merely existing.
Love covers all. It overcomes whatever there is to combat it.
It covers all hurt. All pain.
Every scar, every cut that every being is so rightly guilty of inflicting.
Intentionally or unintentionally.
There is hurt. I feel hurt. I feel alone. I feel losst. I feel without.
The hurt and the pain are covered and put away.
But it does not mean that they did not happen. It has become a part.
Part of past. Past that will remain in the past.
The past that does not affect my future and my today.
You have pain. Pain and past hurts.
From so many different things.
Everything. Life in itself causes pain and hurt.
There is hurt and there is pain.
Hand in hand they affect each heart and soul that has and will ever exist.
No matter how old you get, no matter where you are or where you go.
There is pain.
The pain that can take hold some days more than others.
Pain that you can sometimes escape and almost forget completely.
It however. Still exists.
The one thing people do not realize. The one thing people do not consider is this.
There is hope. There is joy.
Joy which transforms itself from suffering.
Hope that turns into love.
The greatest of all these. The most important. The most crucial.
The healing of all hurt.
It is love alone.
Love can conquer.
Without love there is no life.
Life without love is not life at all. It is merely existing.
Love covers all. It overcomes whatever there is to combat it.
It covers all hurt. All pain.
Every scar, every cut that every being is so rightly guilty of inflicting.
Intentionally or unintentionally.
There is hurt. I feel hurt. I feel alone. I feel losst. I feel without.
The hurt and the pain are covered and put away.
But it does not mean that they did not happen. It has become a part.
Part of past. Past that will remain in the past.
The past that does not affect my future and my today.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wonder.
Curiousity sometimes gets the better of me on days like this.
It could most likely be the effect of it'll have been a year in two weeks probably.
I find it so strange though.
Just to think. I could be married right now. Or just engaged still. But I let go and chose to listen to God instead.
I know that I made the right decision. I know that my family and my friends are proud of me for making such a huge decision by myself. But I still wonder.
What if it all worked out?
What if we really decided to stay together. What if he was still coming home to spend Thanksgiving with me next month? What would it have been like to have a ring on my finger announcing to the world--all my friends and family that I was his. That we decided to be married. To become one.
I don't pretend to say that I was in love with him. I won't ever say that I was. But I'll admit if I would have let it get far enough I could have fallen harder than I had. I know that God had it all under control. I know that He didn't let it get that far for a reason. Because He and I are completely opposites. It never would have worked. We would never be able to connect.
I want a husband who loves me, for me. For every ridiculous thing I do and say. Who notices the little things no one else does. I want a prince charming, a superman, a spiderman of my own. Yes I do believe that MY SUPERMAN exists. I don't care what anyone else has to say about it. Because I know that I was not made to be alone. There is a perfect guy out there for me. And that's why I'm not looking. I know that in the right season and due time the Lord will send him to me. I know that he's amazing and God has a huge calling on his life. Right now isn't the time however. I know that I'll know when I see him. But I also know that God has a huge calling on both of us; together. Right now we're apart and God is doing great things in both of us and using us and stretching and preparing us. But I know that when we're together the anointing will be double the portion.
I think, I wonder, and I get curious about what could have happened to the man I was engaged to. But I know that the Lord is with me. He wants me to be happy. He has the best for me. And he will never forsake me. He is faithful to what he has promised me. I believe that. And so I am trusting him. Wholeheartedly I trust him.
It could most likely be the effect of it'll have been a year in two weeks probably.
I find it so strange though.
Just to think. I could be married right now. Or just engaged still. But I let go and chose to listen to God instead.
I know that I made the right decision. I know that my family and my friends are proud of me for making such a huge decision by myself. But I still wonder.
What if it all worked out?
What if we really decided to stay together. What if he was still coming home to spend Thanksgiving with me next month? What would it have been like to have a ring on my finger announcing to the world--all my friends and family that I was his. That we decided to be married. To become one.
I don't pretend to say that I was in love with him. I won't ever say that I was. But I'll admit if I would have let it get far enough I could have fallen harder than I had. I know that God had it all under control. I know that He didn't let it get that far for a reason. Because He and I are completely opposites. It never would have worked. We would never be able to connect.
I want a husband who loves me, for me. For every ridiculous thing I do and say. Who notices the little things no one else does. I want a prince charming, a superman, a spiderman of my own. Yes I do believe that MY SUPERMAN exists. I don't care what anyone else has to say about it. Because I know that I was not made to be alone. There is a perfect guy out there for me. And that's why I'm not looking. I know that in the right season and due time the Lord will send him to me. I know that he's amazing and God has a huge calling on his life. Right now isn't the time however. I know that I'll know when I see him. But I also know that God has a huge calling on both of us; together. Right now we're apart and God is doing great things in both of us and using us and stretching and preparing us. But I know that when we're together the anointing will be double the portion.
I think, I wonder, and I get curious about what could have happened to the man I was engaged to. But I know that the Lord is with me. He wants me to be happy. He has the best for me. And he will never forsake me. He is faithful to what he has promised me. I believe that. And so I am trusting him. Wholeheartedly I trust him.
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