Who and where would I be if I wasn't living intentionally? What I be doing and how would I be feeling if I didn't step up, and step out of my comfort zone to go outside of myself to make a difference, build relationships, strengthen relationships, and make connections.
Tonight wasn't just a early Thanksgiving dinner with my Bethel family here. It was so so much more than that. It is easy to see and say that the Lord was definitely present tonight at our little family dinner party, but it was more than that. We didn't only eat dinner, we spent quality time together. We got to cook together, laugh, talk, eat, watch a movie, and just reach out to each other. Tonight I grew myself more than ever, not me exactly but I felt the Holy Spirit so evident in my countenance tonight. I am not the same person I used to be. I stepped out. I decided that I want to love people and show and share my heart as much as I can. Not saying that I'm gonna be BEST FRIENDS with every person I meet, but I know who I am and that I'm here with these people in my life and path for such a time as this. I'm gonna take advantage of that. I'm gonna be intentional and steward this gift and be thankful and absolutely grateful for this time, place, these people, and these opportunities. Every day is never promised, every breath is a special gift given from Papa, a chance, a new day, nothing is a coincedence, and Papa places specific people in your life for a specific reason--which means on purpose, intentionally. If I didn't step out I wouldn't be able to do my job. Every person has something that someone else needs. We aren't taking on burdens, we're taking on our burdens, we are a family and body of Christ. We are never alone, we are always there for each other, in every way. No worry. Because you should never be afraid to be who you are. For this specific time or season.
It's time to break out of yourself, because your own breakthroughs are others' breakthroughs as well.
May <3
Friday, November 4, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
"I just close my eyes and pray"
I love you kid. Seriously. I don't even think you realize that you are so loved. Not even by your family around you, but Papa God. The one that loves you more than anything. You talk about feeling useless and the people you care about walking out on you or just not being there when you feel you need them the most. Look to the one who desperately loves you, everything about you; the real you.
It breaks my heart. To see people who have more potential than they seriously realize. To see people being destructive with their precious, important, predestined, world changing, ridiculously impacting lives. It's like their wasting something so beautiful, something beloved.
Dad just says; "look up, come up higher. Let me take you away. Let me show you what life is really about. Let me teach you what an abundant and real life looks like". Not just the glass "looking" half full, but overflowing with more than you can even keep for yourself, but leaking over all of the people around you.
Please, just open your eyes. Or close them and talk to Dad. Go back into His arms, find your way back home, where you belong.
You are loved, you are special, you are amazing, you are incredible, you're not a sinner, you're a saint, you're more than you are settling for, stop chasing what isn't for you. There's a reason this world doesn't fit you and isn't good enough for you. You're heaven sent.
Your sister,
May<3
It breaks my heart. To see people who have more potential than they seriously realize. To see people being destructive with their precious, important, predestined, world changing, ridiculously impacting lives. It's like their wasting something so beautiful, something beloved.
Dad just says; "look up, come up higher. Let me take you away. Let me show you what life is really about. Let me teach you what an abundant and real life looks like". Not just the glass "looking" half full, but overflowing with more than you can even keep for yourself, but leaking over all of the people around you.
Please, just open your eyes. Or close them and talk to Dad. Go back into His arms, find your way back home, where you belong.
You are loved, you are special, you are amazing, you are incredible, you're not a sinner, you're a saint, you're more than you are settling for, stop chasing what isn't for you. There's a reason this world doesn't fit you and isn't good enough for you. You're heaven sent.
Your sister,
May<3
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
It's all an excuse because we love eachother.
We fight, we argue, we love, we joke.
It's not perfect, but that doesn't even matter.
All that matters is that I'm in love with him deeply, & I know that we're perfect for eachother, together, forever, always.
That's what matters.
It's not perfect, but that doesn't even matter.
All that matters is that I'm in love with him deeply, & I know that we're perfect for eachother, together, forever, always.
That's what matters.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
The Sting.
Frustrated..
I don't like arguing. That's a given, cause I'm quite sure no one enjoys it, even if you're out of your mind.
Today was a good day. Not saying that this little thing has ruined my day, but still. It certainly put a damper on it.
I had my day all planned out, & I'm pretty darn excited about it. But then on text messaged that. I hate upsetting my fiance. It hurts me. It makes me feel like it's my fault, even if I didn't do anything. I love him, & he shouldn't be upset. I don't even know what to do. It doesn't help that the reason he's upset is because of one of my best friends. That's unfair right there. It's not like he's telling me not to have friends or hang out with them, he just told me he feels off when I'm around him. Not like I was alone with him or anything, there was a group of us, & there naturally always is a group of us together, because of boundaries. & the fact that we're just a family of friends & that's it. But for my fiance to tell me that he was upset because of this hurt me. Not only because it hurt him, but because he didn't even explain to me what it was, not to mention when I go home for thanksgiving my best friends are going home with me. What then? What happens when my fiances meets him & has to hang around him for a week? I've asked before if it made him uncomfortable, I've asked if it was okay that he came to celebrate thanksgiving with us. I asked if he didn't like it or not. He said that it was fine. I'm not letting this affect my entire day, I refuse for that to happen, but still. The last thing he text me was:
"Spend time with the Lord, speak in tongues and get a really good cup of coffee."
So here I am, taking it out on my blog, drinking coffee, with my worship playing, & my journal & Bible in arms reach. Quiet time here I come.
Proverbs 15:18 "A hot tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel."
Proverbs 17:14 "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out."
Proverbs 17:19 "Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction.
Proverbs 18:1 "An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels."
Proverbs 20:3 "It is to on'es honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel."
I don't like arguing. That's a given, cause I'm quite sure no one enjoys it, even if you're out of your mind.
Today was a good day. Not saying that this little thing has ruined my day, but still. It certainly put a damper on it.
I had my day all planned out, & I'm pretty darn excited about it. But then on text messaged that. I hate upsetting my fiance. It hurts me. It makes me feel like it's my fault, even if I didn't do anything. I love him, & he shouldn't be upset. I don't even know what to do. It doesn't help that the reason he's upset is because of one of my best friends. That's unfair right there. It's not like he's telling me not to have friends or hang out with them, he just told me he feels off when I'm around him. Not like I was alone with him or anything, there was a group of us, & there naturally always is a group of us together, because of boundaries. & the fact that we're just a family of friends & that's it. But for my fiance to tell me that he was upset because of this hurt me. Not only because it hurt him, but because he didn't even explain to me what it was, not to mention when I go home for thanksgiving my best friends are going home with me. What then? What happens when my fiances meets him & has to hang around him for a week? I've asked before if it made him uncomfortable, I've asked if it was okay that he came to celebrate thanksgiving with us. I asked if he didn't like it or not. He said that it was fine. I'm not letting this affect my entire day, I refuse for that to happen, but still. The last thing he text me was:
"Spend time with the Lord, speak in tongues and get a really good cup of coffee."
So here I am, taking it out on my blog, drinking coffee, with my worship playing, & my journal & Bible in arms reach. Quiet time here I come.
Proverbs 15:18 "A hot tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel."
Proverbs 17:14 "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out."
Proverbs 17:19 "Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction.
Proverbs 18:1 "An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels."
Proverbs 20:3 "It is to on'es honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel."
Sunday, October 30, 2011
That wonderful, beautiful moment.
I live this life the best that I can. Dead to myself. Why? Because I am alive to Christ.
My life is a mess of amazing adventure, & I highly enjoy it. I'm incredibly thankful. I adore my life, I'm so grateful, because my Papa God is so faithful, through it all, in every part of my life.
There aren't enough words in all the human languages to describe.
What blows my mind is that Papa loves me. He has a place for me, in His heart. & He wants me there. He keeps me close to His heart, as the apple of His eye. He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. He is pleased with me, & proud of me. He lavishes His delight on me. He fills me up & uses me as a vessel to pour out. My heart, my soul, my mind, my love, my presence should leak that.
There are several people that have been specifically hand picked to walk this crazy life with me; along side me. Pushing me, encouraging me, loving me, & sharing this life with me--these experiences.
For me, I'm not very big on public displays of affection. That's just not me. But I just felt on my heart that I had to write & so here it is. My fiance knows for a fact that I never do this, if he read this, it would be a big shock to him. First of all, I myself hardly even show my emotions or explain how I feel much. Not that I bottle anything up, but it is difficult for me, years of practice being careful & not trusting is the excuse. Of course, I have gotten much better at opening up, but still it's not the easiest for me, & even now I am cautious of who I tell & share certain parts of my heart with.
Now, with all of this said. I am just so thankful. For life, for love, for peace, for joy, for grace. & there is one person on this earth that I know I am thankful for at such an in depth level that I had to take time to point it out; in a blog. His name is: Philip Stuart. He's the most amazing man. He is my other half. Tonight we talked before bed; which we always do, & I just listened. The entire phone call, I hardly spoke. Not because I was sad, upset, or sleepy, or anything. I just sat there on the couch & listened to everything that he had to say. The craziest thing to me was that while he spoke I just patiently sat & as I did quietly, I felt Jesus surround me in his arms. His arms around me, holding me, & my head rested on his chest. The lyrics: "I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands, lay back against you and breathe, it's overwhelming" played over & over as I listened to this wonderful man whom I love spoke about his heart & what his day consisted of. This week we had encounters & amazing speakers at school whom really spoke things that totes resonated in my heart & for my life. One amazingly anointed woman said this: "God is God the Father, Jesus is the form of your spouse, & the Holy Spirit is the female version of God." & with that, I remember the first thing that I felt inside of me was this: "You love like a Father, you love like a brother, you love like a lion, fierce like no other. You violently chase me, down to embrace me, engulf me in who you are."
Relationship man, it is all about relationship. I don't have other words. This was just something a little random that was on my heart & had to express & share.
Just that wonderful, beautiful, thankful, loving moment.
May<3<3
My life is a mess of amazing adventure, & I highly enjoy it. I'm incredibly thankful. I adore my life, I'm so grateful, because my Papa God is so faithful, through it all, in every part of my life.
There aren't enough words in all the human languages to describe.
What blows my mind is that Papa loves me. He has a place for me, in His heart. & He wants me there. He keeps me close to His heart, as the apple of His eye. He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. He is pleased with me, & proud of me. He lavishes His delight on me. He fills me up & uses me as a vessel to pour out. My heart, my soul, my mind, my love, my presence should leak that.
There are several people that have been specifically hand picked to walk this crazy life with me; along side me. Pushing me, encouraging me, loving me, & sharing this life with me--these experiences.
For me, I'm not very big on public displays of affection. That's just not me. But I just felt on my heart that I had to write & so here it is. My fiance knows for a fact that I never do this, if he read this, it would be a big shock to him. First of all, I myself hardly even show my emotions or explain how I feel much. Not that I bottle anything up, but it is difficult for me, years of practice being careful & not trusting is the excuse. Of course, I have gotten much better at opening up, but still it's not the easiest for me, & even now I am cautious of who I tell & share certain parts of my heart with.
Now, with all of this said. I am just so thankful. For life, for love, for peace, for joy, for grace. & there is one person on this earth that I know I am thankful for at such an in depth level that I had to take time to point it out; in a blog. His name is: Philip Stuart. He's the most amazing man. He is my other half. Tonight we talked before bed; which we always do, & I just listened. The entire phone call, I hardly spoke. Not because I was sad, upset, or sleepy, or anything. I just sat there on the couch & listened to everything that he had to say. The craziest thing to me was that while he spoke I just patiently sat & as I did quietly, I felt Jesus surround me in his arms. His arms around me, holding me, & my head rested on his chest. The lyrics: "I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands, lay back against you and breathe, it's overwhelming" played over & over as I listened to this wonderful man whom I love spoke about his heart & what his day consisted of. This week we had encounters & amazing speakers at school whom really spoke things that totes resonated in my heart & for my life. One amazingly anointed woman said this: "God is God the Father, Jesus is the form of your spouse, & the Holy Spirit is the female version of God." & with that, I remember the first thing that I felt inside of me was this: "You love like a Father, you love like a brother, you love like a lion, fierce like no other. You violently chase me, down to embrace me, engulf me in who you are."
Relationship man, it is all about relationship. I don't have other words. This was just something a little random that was on my heart & had to express & share.
Just that wonderful, beautiful, thankful, loving moment.
May<3<3
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I'm back.
All right, so what's up fellow bloggers? It has been quite some time since I have written on this blog. I have definitely missed it. I am really excited to start writing again. So here goes nothing.
School is amazing. God is doing great things. I have grown a tremendous amount. I have been blessed to meet and begin to build great relationships with such wonderful, anointed men and women of God. I have never been so pushed, stretched, excited, nervous (in a good way), joyful, happy, encouraged, inspired, thankful, and blessed in all of my life. Every second I am more thankful. It only makes sense though, to give as much thanks and praise as I can. Why? Well the easy answer is: Jesus. To elaborate though, is all because it is truly written in my DNA to give thanks and praise and pour out my love, heart, and adoration on the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Crazy concept to grasp though, the fact that, the big guy upstairs..he cares for me. He loves me, and by the way, He loves me. I am His favorite, and He calls me His beloved. What else could I ask or live for? He is so faithful & I am incredibly grateful, with all of my being. No matter what though, I know that the enemy has nothing on me. He can sit there and try to put lies inside my head and whisper discouragements but I have the victory already so there is no reason to grow weary.
Psalm 50:9-11 "I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine."
Isaiah 40:28-31
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint."
Jacquelyn Desiree<3<3
School is amazing. God is doing great things. I have grown a tremendous amount. I have been blessed to meet and begin to build great relationships with such wonderful, anointed men and women of God. I have never been so pushed, stretched, excited, nervous (in a good way), joyful, happy, encouraged, inspired, thankful, and blessed in all of my life. Every second I am more thankful. It only makes sense though, to give as much thanks and praise as I can. Why? Well the easy answer is: Jesus. To elaborate though, is all because it is truly written in my DNA to give thanks and praise and pour out my love, heart, and adoration on the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Crazy concept to grasp though, the fact that, the big guy upstairs..he cares for me. He loves me, and by the way, He loves me. I am His favorite, and He calls me His beloved. What else could I ask or live for? He is so faithful & I am incredibly grateful, with all of my being. No matter what though, I know that the enemy has nothing on me. He can sit there and try to put lies inside my head and whisper discouragements but I have the victory already so there is no reason to grow weary.
Psalm 50:9-11 "I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine."
Isaiah 40:28-31
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint."
Jacquelyn Desiree<3<3
“Let it rain”
Right now things are in fact hard. However, I’m not gonna sit here & “vent” about how it is. I’m just pointing out fact. I won’t explain the entire story because it’s not entirely necessary. But the Lord is currently teaching me to let go. Of course that sounds easy but it’s not right now. In the current position I’m in, it’s a lot different than other situations I have delt with before. For me surrendering & letting go was always something I did not fear, nor should I, on account of Daddy loves me & has plans for me, and he’s taking care of everything. But right now, it’s intense. Serious crunch time, like I’m on the edge of my seat, like; “okay Dad, you can step in any time now.” I know that this whole thing is His glory but it’s like such a hard spot. I’m in this position of being STRETCHED. Like He’s really testing me here, in my faith & how much I trust in Him & His power. So many times when the Lord does not answer us the enemy thinks it’s totally okay & perfect timing for him to come in & bring anxiousness & fear. I refuse to let him think that he’s winning this. Because he’s not. My God is bigger, and stronger. My Dad is the provider, & I’m completely just trusting Him & His plan.
“God, I look to you. I won’t be overwhelmed, give me vision to see things like you do.”
“Cast all your anxiety on Him, for He cares for you.”
Daddy, it’s all in your hands. I’m yours.
Jacquelyn Desiree<3<3
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