I live this life the best that I can. Dead to myself. Why? Because I am alive to Christ.
My life is a mess of amazing adventure, & I highly enjoy it. I'm incredibly thankful. I adore my life, I'm so grateful, because my Papa God is so faithful, through it all, in every part of my life.
There aren't enough words in all the human languages to describe.
What blows my mind is that Papa loves me. He has a place for me, in His heart. & He wants me there. He keeps me close to His heart, as the apple of His eye. He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. He is pleased with me, & proud of me. He lavishes His delight on me. He fills me up & uses me as a vessel to pour out. My heart, my soul, my mind, my love, my presence should leak that.
There are several people that have been specifically hand picked to walk this crazy life with me; along side me. Pushing me, encouraging me, loving me, & sharing this life with me--these experiences.
For me, I'm not very big on public displays of affection. That's just not me. But I just felt on my heart that I had to write & so here it is. My fiance knows for a fact that I never do this, if he read this, it would be a big shock to him. First of all, I myself hardly even show my emotions or explain how I feel much. Not that I bottle anything up, but it is difficult for me, years of practice being careful & not trusting is the excuse. Of course, I have gotten much better at opening up, but still it's not the easiest for me, & even now I am cautious of who I tell & share certain parts of my heart with.
Now, with all of this said. I am just so thankful. For life, for love, for peace, for joy, for grace. & there is one person on this earth that I know I am thankful for at such an in depth level that I had to take time to point it out; in a blog. His name is: Philip Stuart. He's the most amazing man. He is my other half. Tonight we talked before bed; which we always do, & I just listened. The entire phone call, I hardly spoke. Not because I was sad, upset, or sleepy, or anything. I just sat there on the couch & listened to everything that he had to say. The craziest thing to me was that while he spoke I just patiently sat & as I did quietly, I felt Jesus surround me in his arms. His arms around me, holding me, & my head rested on his chest. The lyrics: "I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands, lay back against you and breathe, it's overwhelming" played over & over as I listened to this wonderful man whom I love spoke about his heart & what his day consisted of. This week we had encounters & amazing speakers at school whom really spoke things that totes resonated in my heart & for my life. One amazingly anointed woman said this: "God is God the Father, Jesus is the form of your spouse, & the Holy Spirit is the female version of God." & with that, I remember the first thing that I felt inside of me was this: "You love like a Father, you love like a brother, you love like a lion, fierce like no other. You violently chase me, down to embrace me, engulf me in who you are."
Relationship man, it is all about relationship. I don't have other words. This was just something a little random that was on my heart & had to express & share.
Just that wonderful, beautiful, thankful, loving moment.
May<3<3
